Why doesn't anyone like me? Answer One

This is the first answer to this question, intended to help a "gentle" child understand that sometimes people dislike other people for no apparent reason at all. The second answer is intended to help a "tough" child who seems to actively cultivate dislike in others by his or her behavior and/or attitudes.

Sometimes there isn't any reason why people don't like other people. Think for a minute about the people you don't like. Why don't you like them? Do they say things or do things you think are not right? Do they say things and do things that hurt your feelings or hurt other people's feelings? Are they bullies who like to hurt other people? These are pretty good reasons for disliking someone, aren't they? But you don't behave like that, so these can't be the reasons people don't like you. Some people don't like folks who do the things they are supposed to do because it makes them feel guilty that they themselves don't do the things they ought to do. There isn't anything you can do about this, unless you want to stop doing the things you are supposed to do. And that isn't a very good idea, because then you will feel guilty, too. Some people don't like folks who can do things better than they can, or who are prettier, or who have more money or who have less money or who have a different religion or a different skin color or come from a different country or use a different language. They don't like such people because they are different - not because of anything they do. Some people don't really dislike other people, but they don't even realize that other folks have feelings and thoughts and wishes and wants - so they tend to ignore those things. It hurts a lot to be ignored - it's almost as if you are invisible and inaudible, unless they want you to do something for them or with them. Then, after you have done what they wanted, and are expecting them to spend some time with you, they go right back to ignoring you, and that hurts even more. And some people were hurt so much when they were little that they are afraid to like other people because they think they might get hurt again. That's kind of sad, especially since these people actually look for behaviors and words that will hurt them so they can be right about it. After all, no one likes to be wrong! But their fear keeps them from being friends with anyone, so they're very lonely and unhappy people. Now, schools have all kinds of people in them - and one of the things you are supposed to learn in school is how to be yourself even when you are surrounded by other people who are learning how to be themselves. It isn't easy. Children can be very cruel as well as very kind. But when you understand that everybody your age treats other people the same way their parents treat them, it makes you feel kind of sorry for the ones who are mean or who are scared or who are bigoted. They have their own little circles of friends who have the same meanness, the same fears, or the same biases they have - and they miss out on all the other people who could be friends with them. Your job is to keep right on being the best you you can be. As long as you are gentle and kind and loving, and never say or do things you know are wrong or that will hurt someone, you're doing all you can do. Remember that you are one of the most loved people in the universe, and if other people don't like you, it means there's something wrong with them, not with you.