"Lucy, old boy, I have a job for you."
Lucifer was appalled. "The last time you had a job for me, I ended up in Hell," he protested.
"True, God replied. "But you got to design the place and create the staff and all that, didn't you?"
"Yes," Lucifer conceded. "It would have helped a lot if you had lent me just a little of your creative power, you know. Or if even one of the angels you sent with me were competent. But no! You kept the best here in Heaven and left me with the deadwood."
God chuckled. "It's hell, isn't it?" He grinned. Lucifer did not share his Master's mirth. "So what do you want now?" he muttered.
"I want you to go down to earth and persuade Man to eat the forbidden fruit," God replied. Lucifer's jaw gaped open.
"You what? I don't think I heard you correctly! Would you say that again?" Lucifer stammered.
"Sure," God said, grinning. "I want you to go down to earth and persuade Man to eat the forbidden fruit." Lucifer just nodded.
"It's forbidden to them," Lucifer said. "Why should they eat it?"
"Because," God said, draping his arm around Lucifer's shoulder, "You are going to lie to them."
"ME? Lie to them? My Lord!" Lucifer was thunderstruck.
"Yes, you. Yes, lie. And yes, I am your Lord." God said. "Any further questions?" Lucifer shook his head, still reeling in shock.
"Well, then," God said. "Go do it." Lucifer bowed his head in submission, turned, and left the Hallowed Halls of Heaven for the dusty dirtball called earth.
* * * * *
Lucifer encountered Eve near the center of the Garden, and it took him all afternoon to persuade her that she wouldn't die on the spot if she ate the fruit. He had to swallow one himself to convince her, but he did it. She took the fruit to Adam, who ate it without so much as a single question. Neither of them noticed any change in themselves that would indicate that they were going to die any time soon, so they soon forgot the whole incident.
Later that afternoon, Adam decreed that he and Eve would play New Creature, a game he always won because it was his duty to name any and all creatures in the Garden. He and Eve dressed themselves in grape leaves and pretended to be unheard of creatures. (On this particular evening, the crowning achievement was something Adam called a Unicorn, a horselike creature with a single horn growing out of the middle of its forehead. The runner up was the Pegasus, a horselike creature with wings like angels.) Eve was bored, but Adam decreed that this was fun, so they played on.
In the evening, before God appeared for His nightly walk in the Garden with Adam, Adam decided that it would be fun to hide in the bushes and jump out making a loud noise, just to see if they could scare their God. Still in their Unicorn and Pegasus costumes, they crouched behind a forsythia bush and waited for God.
When He arrived, He called out to them, saying, "Adam? Eve? Where are you?" Adam held Eve's hand and wouldn't let her respond right away. God had to call three times before Adam leaped up, clapping his hands and yelling at the top of his lungs. God was not amused.
"What have you done?" He demanded. "Who told you you were naked?"
Since neither Adam nor Eve had any idea what "naked" was, they had no answer for Him. He took their hands and dragged them to the center of the Garden.
"Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit of that tree?" He demanded. Eve nodded. Adam pointed his finger at Eve and said, "She gave it to me and made me eat it!" God was not pleased with this denial of responsibility.
"You," he said to Adam, "will henceforth have to work for every bite you eat. You will till the soil and earn your bread by the sweat of your brow." Adam reeled back, overwhelmed. God turned to Eve.
"You," he said, "will bear children in agony. And you will always serve your husband's needs." Eve hung her head, tears creeping from behind her long black lashes, and nodded silently.
"And you!" God pointed at Lucifer. "You will always crawl on your belly on the face of the earth. Human beings will hate and fear you through all the ages of Man, and they will destroy you every chance they get." Lucifer looked up, astonished.
"Michael!" shouted God, and the Archangel appeared instantly.
"Yes, my Lord?"
"Escort these two from My Garden and put cherubim at the gates with flaming swords to make sure they don't ever get back in," God said. Michael nodded, swept the two humans up in his arms, and flew towards the east of Eden. God watched them go, satisfied that all had been accomplished according to plan.
* * * * *
Lucifer stretched himself out of his disguise and stood beside his Master.
"What's this business about crawling on my belly?" he demanded. "And about humans trying to destroy me?" God chuckled.
"Nothing personal, Luce" He said. "But let's face it, that was a mighty cute disguise. What did Adam call it? Serpent? Snake? Couldn't make up his mind? Doesn't matter, now. His naming days are over. Now that he isn't in the Garden any more, it is not his job to, as he puts it, say what's what around here!.
"Okay," Lucifer said, "So you're going to create a serpent or snake or whatever. But what about the destroying bit?"
"Ah," answered God. "We both know that everything Adam can't blame on Eve he's going to blame on you. So I planted a fear of snakes in human beings so they would avoid the little creatures, who aren't at all to blame for Adam's behavior. And, humans being humans, when they encounter anything they fear, they will attempt to destroy it." He shook His head. "Maybe, " He admitted, "I shouldn't have made them such complicated beasts!"
"What was the reason for all this, anyway?" Lucifer asked. God slowly shook His head.
"Several thousand generations from now, that contrary little creature is going to - well, let's just say he's going to succeed me as Master of the seven universes." God smiled briefly.
"Succeed you?" Lucifer gasped. "Where are you going?"
"Ah, Lucy," God sighed. "Even I get tired now and then." He saw the look of abject horror on Lucifer's face. "Oh," He added, "Don't worry about that. They will not become gods, for Heaven's sake! They'll just run things for awhile. It seems that once I create a universe or two, I feel obligated to keep them running. It will be - what - eighty thousand generations? - before this batch is ready to take over so I can have a vacation. Fortunately, they only live a hundred years or so. I've only been running the place a few billion years, you know, and I'm ready for a break." He nodded, and He and Lucifer simultaneously appeared on the perimeter of Heaven. "Odd," God said, "How attached I've become to the little guys. They are so predictable!"
"Well, that's how You made them," Lucifer said. God nodded.
"I know," He replied. "But if I had created them perfect, they wouldn't have any experiences to draw on when it comes their turn to govern the stars." He and Lucifer looked at the furious Adam and strangely complacent Eve as they made their way through the wilderness outside the Garden.
* * * * *
Outside the gates of the Garden, Adam was screaming at Eve that it was all her fault, that if she hadn't been so weak, she could have resisted temptation, and if she hadn't turned right around and tempted him, he would never have eaten that blasted fruit.
"Adam," Eve said sweetly. "It took an archangel to tempt me - and it took a mere woman to tempt you. Who, exactly is the weaker vessel, hmmm?"
No comments:
Post a Comment